No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
“Why would anyone want to be with me?”
“This relationship will never last. It’s just a matter of time before it’s over.”
“I’m lucky that anyone wants me, so I will stay even though I am not happy.”
“I know because we disagree that we will break up.”
” I know my partner thinks I am overweight and out of shape – I agree.”
Without a solid sense of self-worth, you can find yourself trapped in bad relationships or ones the feel uncertain or you may unconsciously sabotage new alliances because you doubt the possibility they will work out anyway.
Take the Relationship Self-Worth Test –
When it comes to your relationships, do you recognise any of your behaviours in the following?
- feel unsure of your lovability and constantly need reassurance about your worth?
- have trouble expressing your wants or needs because you are afraid of your partner’s response or feel you don’t deserve to be heard?
- have difficulty walking away from an abusive relationship or tolerate hurtful behaviour for too long?
- try to please others and hide your own feelings to avoid confrontation even if others are being disrespectful to you?
- look to others to guide and make decisions for you instead of making choices for yourself?
- accept blame for relationship conflicts even when you are not at fault?
- act defensively and push your partner or others away because you fear that intimacy (emotional as well as sexual) will reveal your worthlessness?
- look for someone to rescue you and/or believe that your partner will make your life better?
- Feel insecure within the relationship and mistrust your partner or always assume negative motives and actions?
Your lack of self-worth can manifest in these behaviours and many others. It can result in your inability to connect freely and to securely express your honest needs, feelings and fears without worrying about negative outcomes.
Five Steps to Changing Your Self-Worth
- Remember a time when you felt confident, worthy and equal with your partner. Spend time recalling the details and let the feelings fill your thoughts and emotons.
- Journal about your feelings of low self-worth. Bring to consciousness, the story of the lies you have been telling yourself in order to let them go.
- Identify the sources of your low self-esteem. Are you carrying inherited beliefs about your lovability and value from your parents or ancestry? Let go of what is not yours.
- Use Affirmations to clear false beliefs and implant positive truths about your worthiness and value.
- Engage a Breathworker to support you to:
- release the negative self-image
- help you uncover, accept and integrate your emotions, beliefs and behaviours
- see your true heart and value
- resolve any hidden parental anger, resentment or need for approval that can obstruct your adult relationships
Healthy Self-Worth in Relationships
When you understand the influence that lack of self-worth has on your relationships, you can take steps to change what stands in the way of a meaningful and balanced relationship. A healthy sense of self-worth can transform your life because:
- You are free from the worry and drama about whether your partner loves you or not. Any conflicts are approached with a willingness to resolve and work through problems.
- You do not need reassurance that you are loveable. You acknowledge that you are.
- If the relationship ends, you can assess the outcomes, learn from them and not make it about some flaw within you.
- You have well-developed boundaries and you know what you will and will not accept. You will choose your actions based on what feels right for you.
- You confidently trust your ability to make good decisions that support your well-being. If a relationship is not working, you have the strength and courage to leave.
- You don’t blame or shame others for how they make you feel and accept that your own mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.
- You can reduce your stress because you can let you unique personality and spirit shine through in your life without worrying about what others think.
Knowing your value inspires confidence and invites joy, growth, authentic love and the potential to be part of a relationship that is kind, respectful and meaningful ~ that is the power of your self-worth!
You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself
~ Glenda, Wizard of Oz