The dictionary definition of Shame goes like this: Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness
It is pretty much a universal emotion that can be the crippling source of immobility in your life. When you identify with difficulties around your self-image, sexuality, parenting, aging, career, your mental or physical health, or a trauma you experienced, shame is usually the smoldering fire that remains, and it can be ignited when similar situations occur in your life even years later.
Shame does not simply go away over time unless you make a conscious effort to heal it. If it is ignored, it becomes the curled-up monster within you that grows over time and escapes and lashes out when it is triggered. Shame can destroy your sense of self and it can ruin relationships and sabotage your ability to thrive and move forward in life.
According to Brené Brown, shame causes people to feel “trapped, powerless, and isolated”
So, what can you do when you have been triggered by a look, comment or overt humiliation that turns you right back into the person (and age) you were when you experienced an original shaming wound? How can you overcome that feeling of wanting to shrink away and disappear or the opposite, wanting to lash out in anger because you have been humiliated and are trying to regain your footing and sense of empowerment?
One of the primary steps to healing shame is to acknowledge it. Once it is brought into light, it is necessary to change your inner dialogue about what the feeling of shame means and lastly, it is vital to be self-compassionate and loving towards yourself for you to heal that wounded part of you..
The short version is this:
- Identify the shame by feeling it and naming it
- Release it and defuse its power by sharing it with a safe person
- Design your response of self-forgiveness and self-compassion
- Love and nurture the history of its origins then let it go
Here is an excellent article that looks deeply into steps you can take to move away from the shame that cripples your ability to thrive in your life.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/toxic-shame#working-through-it
Take some time after reading to consider where shame blocks your ability to thrive and be happy in your life. Commit to taking steps that work for you to heal the pain of your shame and learn to love all of you no matter how imperfect you might believe yourself to be.
You are perfect…
Breathe in that truth
Be Well,
John
