We undervalue the power and bond of friendship so much today. The ancients considered it the highest form of love because there is no biological need or pull keeping you together. It is simply two people choosing each other because they better each other’s lives.~ unknown
Friendships are the unsung heroes of relationships. They allow us to find purpose and meaning in our lives. They help us stay healthy and they promote longevity. As we age into adulthood, the lasting friendships that endure throughout the busyness and complexity of our lives are shining lights that give us a soft place to land where honesty, authenticity, support, equality and emotional bonds are the norm.
Our friendships provide a sense of belonging, build confidence and self-esteem, help us beat stress, combat isolation and loneliness. They are a safe space where we can expand our perspectives, absorb emotional support for life problems, enjoy humour and motivate us to try new things and reach goals.
“Strong friendships are a lifelong endeavor that are as important for yourself as diet and exercise, and so it’s something you need to prioritize.” ~ Lydia Denworth
Characteristics of friendships:
Our non-romantic connections with others are:
- Stable and have a longstanding bond;
- Positive and supportive
- cooperative, helpful and reciprocal – I’m there for you, you’re there for me.
Helpful steps to nurturing your friendships:
- Commitment: take time to be a friend and have a friend – – stay in touch even if you have to schedule time in your calendar. If you can’t have dinner, then at least call to say hi! Letting your friend know that you care about what is going on in their life is significant and prime.
- Show Up: be positive, helpful and listen — text or send a funny joke or forward an article of mutual interest showing up from a distance, whether that’s just checking in by text or sending a funny joke or forwarding an article or calling to support them with a listening ear or a shoulder to support them.
- Be an ‘in person’ presence as much as possible — enrichen the relationship by being with friends in person. Our brains are wired to process conversations and connection more easily in person. “When we’re having a conversation with someone in person there is this natural sense of “call and response” – that I’m talking, and then you respond, and then you talk and I respond. We are reading eac other’s cues in a way that makes it easier to do that. When you’re in person, you can have a much more natural conversation. There’s an ease and a warmth and a naturalness that we get when we’re with our friends, and I think we really are missing the ability to hug them and high five—that’s big stuff that matters a lot. So, it’s a loss. “
- Take stock of your friendships to keep it fresh and invigorated. Consider and assess your side of your friendships. Ask:
- Am I contributing to this friendship?
- Have I been helpful lately?
- When did I last say something nice or tell my friend why I appreciate them?
- What nice something can I do for my friend?
- Am I a reliable presence in my friend’s life?
The above information and tips come from these two articles that are well-worth your time to read if you value your friendships. It is interesting to consider how these steps can be applied to the friendship side of your intimate relationships too –
https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-friendship-3024371
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_your_friends_are_more_important_than_you_think
Across your lifespan your friendships and the essence of friendship in your intimate relationships matter – take time in your life to appreciate and build them!
In friendship and love
John
