In the course of human interaction, it is inevitable that you will encounter moments in any of your relationships where you have caused harm to another. Regardless of the severity of the incursion, there is always a need to apologize when the fault is yours to admit. Below is a list that defines the essence of a deeply authentic apology. It invites us into a grace-filled experience of honoring yourself as well as the other.
Nine essential ingredients of a true apology
- Does not include the word “but”
- Keeps the focus on your actions and not on the other person’s response
- Includes an offer of reparation or restitution that fits the situation
- Does not over do
- Doesn’t get caught up in who’s more to blame or who started it
- Requires that you do your best to avoid a repeat performance
- Should not serve to silence
- Shouldn’t be offered to make you feel better if it risks making the hurt party feel worse
- Does not ask the hurt party to do anything, not even to forgive
From Dr. Harriet Lerner
Suggested reading by Dr. Lerner: Why Won’t You Apologize?
